|
How do you Feel?
In the last couple of weeks it seems as if every news item and article has been about financial meltdown. Where does all the predictions of economic gloom leave parents and their children?
If we are worried about mortgage repayments, falling house prices and even the possibility of losing our job, of course it will affect our children. But then everything we feel impacts on our children.
When we find ourselves in a stressful situation with our children - or any one else for that matter - it is helpful to ACT rather than just react.
ACT stands for:
Adult: How do I feel? What do I need?
Child:How does my child feel? What do they need?
Tools:What tools can I use in this situation?
So before you vent your irritation at your children think about yourself.
Ask yourself ‘How am I feeling?” What do I need?”
Often, especially in stressful times, our anger or irritation doesn’t have much to do with our child - it’s more likely to be caused a missed bus, an enormous phone bill, gridlock traffic or a row with your boss. By acknowledging our own feelings and thinking about what we need we can change the situation to make it better instead of worse.
The best tool for this is an ‘I’ message.
An ‘I’ message is a clear, honest way of talking about our feelings and asking for what we need. It’s effective because it doesn’t make other people feel bad - so they are far more likely to hear what is being said. It’s a great model to teach children - if they hear it often enough they will start to use it themselves.
To use an ‘I’ message:
Say how you feel, describe the situation, ask for what you need.
So ...
“Stop bugging me!”
becomes...
“I feel really fed up. I’ve had a terrible day at work and I missed the bus. I’d like five minutes in the shower/ a cup of tea/ something to eat/ and then I’ll read you a story.”
Sounds easy? That’s because it is. Try it and let me know how you get on.
(October Newsletter)
|
